But the thing with such a concept is that everyone has different personal, social, and cultural ideas of what constitutes public displays of affection and how much of it is okay. Societies have various ideas and notions about what is acceptable to do in public and how much. And since not everyone has the same idea or preferences about public displays of affection, it can be a tricky territory for couples to navigate.
What Is PDA?
PDA is short for public displays of affection. It usually refers to the acts of affection exchanged between two people, indicating some sort of a romantic or exclusive relationship. Now expressing affection for a romantic partner is considered harmless, and in fact, obvious, in the bedroom, but not everyone is on board with the idea of public displays of affection yet. In certain conservative cultures, an exchange of gestures like holding hands, kissing or hugging is considered taboo and frowned upon to the extent that such acts are considered forbidden. Then there are cultures where these thoughtful expressions of love and affection are considered absolutely normal. In an increasingly globalized world where a confluence of cultures is not unheard of, it can be tricky to determine how far is too far when it comes to being affectionate toward a significant other in a public setting. To understand better how these public shows of affection can grow to become annoying for some people, read this true account below.
I Was Very Uncomfortable With People Kissing In Public
There was a point in time when watching people getting intimate in a public place made me feel uncomfortable. Call it my ‘small-town upbringing’ or ‘middle-class values’, it did attract my attention tremendously. As someone who had recently landed in a metropolitan city, I was awestruck by how people were always holding hands or kissing in public. Was it like this in the metros? Is this what my parents told me to keep away from when they asked me to maintain a distance from ‘bad things’? I didn’t know. The most I did about it was probably look away, being opinionated about them inside my head. But then, this is only expected. If you are any other way (read supportive), people give you a look that they probably reserve for extraterrestrials. I warmed up to Public Display of Affection (PDA) and harmless necking once I had lived in New Delhi, the capital city of India, for a while. Thankfully, a Bachelor’s degree in English helped me a lot in coming to terms with the fact that it was, indeed, all right. An arts degree opens up your mind in ways you didn’t think were possible. That being said, it never hurts to be a little accommodating and accepting toward your fellow humans. It is as much their space as it is yours. Is it not?
I was raised with this mindset
I’ve had my parents commenting on women dressing a certain way, or the fact that someone got married outside their religion. Given the kind of setup I come from, I was more than happy that they were even accepting of a love marriage (I did have one). But my upbringing was still very traditional and simple. When something objectionable (read steamy) came on TV, my parents changed the channel. They also talked about how people who were tattooed or wore revealing clothes were considered ‘not good’. What I once shrugged off as ‘it’s their opinion’, now receives a more balanced argument from me. I’ve learned that turning a blind eye does not change opinion. Opinions change through debate and debate is good. Debate puts things on the table that you were probably too awkward to discuss in the first place and that is why it is important to talk about public displays of affection as well. But then even with all the so-called ‘progressive’ mentality that I consider myself equipped with, there are times when I do a double-take. Let me give you a personal example.
My first proper encounter with such a thing
Once, my wife and I went to a friend’s birthday bash. Like us, there were other married couples and some unmarried people too. Everything was going fine, most of us were slightly inebriated, the way people usually are at parties. I was trying my best to enjoy the party even though my partner is not a big party person. Once the clock struck midnight, the cake was cut and people cheered, and a nice mood set in. Everyone was at the stage of a ‘happy high’. While we were all talking to each other and being typically boisterous, someone nudged me. I turned and expected said couple to be maybe in the middle of some harmless necking. But boy, was I wrong. I don’t want to spend words and sentences recreating the scene but that’s the first time I saw someone making out in public like that. There was quite a bit of ‘action’, so to say. For the first few moments, all of us at the party exchanged looks, quietly smiling and nodding our heads to each other, showing that we understood, that we were ‘cool’ with whatever was happening. When things seemed to stretch into infinity, there was nothing to do except look away. The conversation soon turned from semi-loud to awkward to mumbling and finally, dead silence. It was as if time had come to a standstill. I am glad none of us called out and said the usual, “Guys, get a room.” But yeah, things did get a little weird. Once they separated, things sort of went back on the original track. Although there was a shade of awkwardness, an unintended pause in the conversation never really disappeared after that.
And so, the question arises
So here’s my conundrum. How does one change an entire society, which has been brought up on absolutely zero public displays of affection? What is the appropriate way to react when an elder within your own family terms someone ‘characterless’ because they were probably harmlessly hugging or indulging in a few types of kisses in public? While I see this as an expression of love, it does get a little awkward for me if it gets too much. But then, how much is too much?
The Dos And Don’ts Of Being A PDA Couple
Whatever forms of affection you are interested in showing to your partner, it is best to practice a little caution. Of course, you have the right to show love to your partner in a public place, but a lot of times, it depends on where you’re at and what kind of affection you are indulging in. It is very easy to cross the line and completely anger someone by just making out in public, which you might consider a small thing. That’s why we bring to you some necessary dos and don’ts of being a PDA couple. How to be affectionate in public? Give soft kisses, and nice, warm hugs and there is nothing wrong with holding hands when you go out. PDA is actually not a very bad thing and can actually go a long way in strengthening a relationship, one must keep in mind where to draw the line. As long as you know your boundaries and are aware of how you should be conducting yourself, you will be good to go!
